On the wings of an Angel
Thoughts from a Loss mom, Bereavement Doula, Midwife of Thanatology and a Rainbow mom
Years ago, i had NO idea this is where my life would end up, never once did i think, "i want to support families in their most vulnerable state" I was a mom, military spouse and a pre-k teacher. I loved my life, I loved my job. I had wanted to teach pre-k since i was a 7 year old little girl. Why would i practically throw away a career i always wanted to become what i am now? Because, I am a loss mom! I understand that vulnerable state, I know the pain first hand of losing a child you have wished for. And i hate the thought of knowing that there are people going through it alone. While i was pregnant with my youngest rainbow, i found comfort in a fellow StillBirthday Doula, She was also a loss mom & expecting her rainbow. She completely understood the thoughts, feelings and anxiety i felt. Once my rainbow was born, I knew that i had to follow in her footsteps and be for others, the person she was for me! I excitedly signed up to start my training, almost blind to what the future would hold. After completing my course and obtaining my certification i dove head first into getting my name out there, letting people know that pregnancy and infant loss does exist and in the process, i would get the inevitable question: "what exactly do you do?"
Every single time, my first thought is "now i get to be Debbie Downer" I go on to explain in full, what I do, the services i offer. Which brings the next inevitable question "why?" WHY? Why do have a room of infant sized burial gowns, preemie sized diapers, blankets and hats smaller than most people have ever seen?! well.. WHY NOT?! Someone needs to do it! Someone needs to be a shoulder for a new mom to cry on when they hear "i'm sorry, there is no heartbeat" Someone needs to hold a crying dad as he screams at the heavens. Someone needs to sing to that precious child & tell them they are loved, when their families are too scared to! Someone needs to be able to answer the phone at 3 am when a crying mother has noone to talk to. Someone needs to hug those precious children standing in a hospital room trying to figure out why mommy and daddy are so upset. Someone needs to wrap that new precious angel up in a blanket and hand it to the parents as if it is a beautiful gift to only hold for a brief time. Someone needs to fill the arms of a mom as she leaves the hospital without the thing she went in there for. I HAVE to be that someone! I AM that someone. I am the person at parties, reunions, community events, that gets that weird looks when people discover what i do. I have to be the Debbie Downer that turns a pleasant conversation into a awareness lesson. I absolutely, wholeheartedly LOVE what i do. I find comfort in my own grief, i find healing knowing that i am Debbie Downer. Every Time I am asked what i do, i am filled with pride knowing that someone has become aware that pregnancy loss is real. I am blessed by women who suffered a loss years prior, who never spoke of their loss, and now... they have an outlet, they can finally grieve, knowings that there is someone to listen, someone who understands. I LOVE being Debbie Downer, because every time I am, The silence is broken
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AuthorWife, Loss mom, Rainbow mom, Bereavement Doula, and Midwife of Thanatology . Archives
April 2016
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