On the wings of an Angel
Thoughts from a Loss mom, Bereavement Doula, Midwife of Thanatology and a Rainbow mom
Years ago, i had NO idea this is where my life would end up, never once did i think, "i want to support families in their most vulnerable state" I was a mom, military spouse and a pre-k teacher. I loved my life, I loved my job. I had wanted to teach pre-k since i was a 7 year old little girl. Why would i practically throw away a career i always wanted to become what i am now? Because, I am a loss mom! I understand that vulnerable state, I know the pain first hand of losing a child you have wished for. And i hate the thought of knowing that there are people going through it alone. While i was pregnant with my youngest rainbow, i found comfort in a fellow StillBirthday Doula, She was also a loss mom & expecting her rainbow. She completely understood the thoughts, feelings and anxiety i felt. Once my rainbow was born, I knew that i had to follow in her footsteps and be for others, the person she was for me! I excitedly signed up to start my training, almost blind to what the future would hold. After completing my course and obtaining my certification i dove head first into getting my name out there, letting people know that pregnancy and infant loss does exist and in the process, i would get the inevitable question: "what exactly do you do?"
Every single time, my first thought is "now i get to be Debbie Downer" I go on to explain in full, what I do, the services i offer. Which brings the next inevitable question "why?" WHY? Why do have a room of infant sized burial gowns, preemie sized diapers, blankets and hats smaller than most people have ever seen?! well.. WHY NOT?! Someone needs to do it! Someone needs to be a shoulder for a new mom to cry on when they hear "i'm sorry, there is no heartbeat" Someone needs to hold a crying dad as he screams at the heavens. Someone needs to sing to that precious child & tell them they are loved, when their families are too scared to! Someone needs to be able to answer the phone at 3 am when a crying mother has noone to talk to. Someone needs to hug those precious children standing in a hospital room trying to figure out why mommy and daddy are so upset. Someone needs to wrap that new precious angel up in a blanket and hand it to the parents as if it is a beautiful gift to only hold for a brief time. Someone needs to fill the arms of a mom as she leaves the hospital without the thing she went in there for. I HAVE to be that someone! I AM that someone. I am the person at parties, reunions, community events, that gets that weird looks when people discover what i do. I have to be the Debbie Downer that turns a pleasant conversation into a awareness lesson. I absolutely, wholeheartedly LOVE what i do. I find comfort in my own grief, i find healing knowing that i am Debbie Downer. Every Time I am asked what i do, i am filled with pride knowing that someone has become aware that pregnancy loss is real. I am blessed by women who suffered a loss years prior, who never spoke of their loss, and now... they have an outlet, they can finally grieve, knowings that there is someone to listen, someone who understands. I LOVE being Debbie Downer, because every time I am, The silence is broken
7 Comments
Susan
8/11/2015 05:59:14 pm
Jen I am so proud of you. I am so grateful that you have found purpose through your grief and are able to comfort those who have lost the most precious thing in the world. God bless you on your journey. Aunt Susan
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Jen
8/12/2015 03:14:26 pm
Thank you aunt Susan
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Sandi Back
8/11/2015 06:24:15 pm
Thank you for sharing your story. I never even thought of the situation of losing a child and what parents have to go through with the grief and all the details. I think it is wonderful that there is someone like you there to help them. Bless you.
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Jen
8/12/2015 03:15:05 pm
Thank you very much for your kind words <3
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Laura Halverson
8/12/2015 05:06:56 am
I admire your work. You have a heart of gold and I don't think I could do what you do. Your love for these heartbroken parents, their tiny precious angel, and those confused and sad siblings is a gift from God. You are an amazing woman. God bless you.
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Lorrie Fuller
8/12/2015 06:46:55 am
It definetly takes a special person to do what you do, the thought of walking into a room of grief strickened people would take a lot of inner strength. With that said, I am so proud to call you my daughter, and it's hard for me to understand why when financially this will not increase your wealth, but there's more in life than the struggle of money. You teach that to me. I love you always!
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8/12/2015 01:09:52 pm
You are such an asset to Muskegon and the Lakeshore Doula Network! What you do matters so much.
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