On the wings of an Angel
Thoughts from a Loss mom, Bereavement Doula, Midwife of Thanatology and a Rainbow mom
December 19th, 2015 started like any normal day.. Until the phone rang. The hospital had called and asked that I come in for a family whose precious little girl grew wings at just about 33 weeks. I gathered my stuff, contacted the photographer and headed to be with the family. Usually I have a chance to meet with the mom but this time, things were different and what I didn't know at that point was, this whole experience would be different than any I have ever been a part of. The mother gave birth to her sweet angel girl shortly after 5pm via c-section. As I gathered with her family, we awaited news from the OR. A short time later the nurse came to get me and take me back to recovery where I got to sit with the dad and hold the baby as we waited for mom to wake up from general anesthesia . Mom woke up for a short time where we were able to introduce her to her precious little girl, her angel... But at this point, no one involved knew how much that statement would stand true. After allowing mom to see her little girl, we took her into the room where all the family awaited their chance to meet, hold and love on this precious angel. Grandparents, dad and other various family members got the opportunity to soak in her features and cover her in love as we patiently waited for her mom to come out of recovery. After a while, they informed us that she would be coming back into her room but being under general anesthesia would still be in a fog. Originally the photographer planned to come first thing the next morning to capture memories but, was able to change her plans slightly so I informed the family that she would be by around midnight. Family slowly started leaving for night , with intentions of coming back the next day to spend more time with both mom and baby. Knowing that they would get to keep their little girl with them for a decent amount of time. Hours went by as we gathered by moms bedside, still loving on the sweet little 4lb 11oz angel that graced us hours before. The photographer arrived and we spent an hour capturing every tiny detail, capturing moments with mom and daughter, a daddy with his baby girl. Our amazing photographer agreed to come back later in the afternoon to capture more moments when mom was more alert. Shortly after 2am I was preparing to leave for a few hours so that mom and dad could rest... Until the Doctor walked in (an amazing resident I've worked with in the past) and little did we know.... All of our plans would change, the dr informed us that moms health was deteriorating, she was having severe medical problems that required her to be sent to a different hospital 40 miles away. Which meant, according to state laws, that the precious little angel everyone expected to see in a few hours, would have to stay while her mommy was sent via ambulance to another hospital. And this is when I realized that in all my training, I was not trained for this moment. I was not told how to handle a situation like this. Mom and dad were given some time to briefly say their goodbyes as the ambulance arrived. I held their baby, so very wanted, so immensely loved, as her dad kissed her goodbye one last time. I slowly walked out of the room and tucked her gently into her bassinet in the nursery. Then watched as mom was rolled down the hallway and out to the ambulance. I went home to rest, letting them know I would be up to see them the in the morning. Once they arrived at the new hospital they were informed of just how serious things had gotten. And we all learned that this precious little baby, so small and perfect, was exactly what we thought she was, an angel. But not an ordinary angel, her mothers angel! This tiny little girl saved her mothers life. If it were not for this angel gaining her wings, her family may have lost them both. Almost a week has gone by and mom is still in the hospital. Still battling for her own life while trying to grieve the loss of the tiny angel who saved her. In training, we are taught how to handle the loss of a child, how to comfort the family, how to capture the moments. But what do we do when everything goes array? How do we support a family who is at risk of loosing two members in the blink of an eye. How do you support a grieving mom who is fighting to stay alive? There is so much truth in the statement "each life, no matter how brief will forever change the world." This tiny little angel has changed so many lives forever. Especially mine. Not only did she come at a time when I didn't even know I'd need her most, she taught me so very much. She has taught me lessons that could never be learned in a class. This little girl not only became an angel, she became a hero who gave her life to save another. thank you to the family for allowing me to be a part of this journey with you, your little girl will forever live on in my heart.
Photo credit : Jenny's childbirth services (www.jennyschildbirthservices.com) Photos shared with permission from family.
4 Comments
Mary wadley
12/24/2015 11:04:26 pm
Jen......I can't rent put into words how much you mean to me and my family. I didn't know that when you walked into that room how much you would changed out lives. Driving to the hospital I was praying to God that he helps us so much in this deep time of sorrow. He sent us another angel, it sent us you. I will forever be grateful for all you have done and continue to do for us. Thank you for the very bottom of my heart.
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Jen
12/25/2015 06:08:07 pm
Mary, your words mean more to me than you will ever know. I feel so honored that you all allowed me into your journey
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Lorrie Fuller
12/25/2015 12:11:16 am
You are a blessing to those who need a guide to get them through such a trying time . A time when many fail to know what to do or say. I'm so proud of you Jen.
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Rebecca Willis
12/25/2015 07:23:48 am
Happened to me. I had a stroke after delivery. No pictures got taken. I was in the icu for a week. I don't remember him at all. And by the time I was coherent enough, it was to late to see him.
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